I hate what I've become. Just another typical Lynbrook student.
What do I have to look forward to?
A constantly warring family?
"Friends" who treat you like competition?
Piles of homework?
Classes that only questionably help?
The only thing I probably look forward to is dev. And when do I get time to do that? Someone once told me to do the things I love and that I shouldn't worry about the others. I should stop stressing about everything and pay attention to what I do have.
What do I have? I don't know. I just don't know. I mean in junior year I feel so alone. Compared to my recent years, I've looked back. I've seen how I've changed and how I've affected others. All I want to do is go back to them and apologize over and over. Then I want to apologize to myself for falling into the Lynbrook mindset. I also don't want to give myself absolution. I don't deserve it.
But I have to keep moving forward. I don't know what is my next step. I just feel awfully suspended. I still have time to change the logistics of my schedule. Jk, I only have the next 24 hours to do that. My social life... well I think I said I wasn't going to have any.
I don't know what will happen in the future. I think I should just stop and breathe. I have no comfort this time but I have to keep going. It's junior year. Just two more years left. I'm scared. Can we do this?
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