Crazy Week

Ahhh! My mind is absolutely reeling right now. It's been so hectic these past couple of days. It will be hectic in the next couple of days.

1. I just found out that the activities points sheet is due tomorrow. Hello running around like crazy around campus trying to get teachers to sign my sheet. x.x''
2. Black Friday = messed up sleep cycle = not good
3. Doing some SOUL SEARCHIN' yesterday
4. Baking les buches de noel for 5.5 hours with 3 other very crazy people = fun but hella tiring. I am now afraid of every kitchen appliance I see. I am also afraid of eating my own cake. But hey, it looks pretty at least!
5. CAPE REUNION DINNER! :D <3 I'm going to see everyone again.
6. Damn, something important was going to happen on Friday... I forgot. Ouch. x.x''
7. First high school debate tournament on Saturday. Going with Tiffany Chen in parli. Let's win some? :D ~Hopeful.
8. SCCBDA auditions coming up next Saturday.
9. Got a new reed box! :D
10. Got yelled at! :D
11. Needs to run around campus like crazy tomorrow. :D
12. Has late start but needs to wake up early to do homework. :D
13. Is going crazy! :D
14. I'm gonna die! :D
15. Sleep deprivation! :D
16. Completed a Sims Social Quest! :D
17. Doesn't know if this post is coherent! :D
18. I'm going crazy! :D
19. Too many rumors! :D
20. Going to fail yoga skills test because of group! :D
21. Saw winter perc practicing and is really really jealous! :D
22. Loves the book, To Kill a Mockingbird. :D
23. Trying to review for French test tomorrow by tutoring friend! :D
24. Failing at tutoring my friend! :D
25. Not studying for a really hard java test tomorrow! :D
26. Not sleeping! :D

I now officially pronounce myself mental, crazy, and high.
I have no idea what I accidentally poisoned myself with while making that cake. Rachit and Anusha seem just as wonky as I am. Sidney is the only normal one. Maybe I should point my finger to someone else when it comes to contamination. After all, he was the one who was manning the stove. Hmm. Haha. Jk. We're all just wonky. Crazy.

I shall expand on my baking experience some more when I have time.
All I can say is that I am glad that I don't have to bake cakes to save my life.

A million memories running through my head. It just depresses me that in a few years I won't remember. Or even worse, I won't care.

Charlie Brown Christmas

First person shooter games are so interesting. I just hope I don't get addicted.

"Stop and Stare" by OneRepublic

This town is colder now, I think it's sick of us
It's time to make our move, I'm shaking off the rust
I've got my heart set on anywhere but here
I'm staring down myself, counting up the years
Steady hands, just take the wheel...
And every glance is killing me
Time to make one last appeal... for the life I lead

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're here not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, can you see what I see

They're trying to come back, all my senses push
Untie the weight bags, I never thought I could...
Steady feet, don't fail me now
Gonna run till you can't walk
Something pulls my focus out
And I'm standing down...

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're here not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, you don't need

What you need, what you need...

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be
Oh, do you see what I see...

Excited for Christmas!

Oh dear, I keep thinking of new things to document about this sleep-deprived day! :D

I am personally REALLY excited for Christmas this year. I was listening to the local radio station today and they were playing Christmas carols. It's always just so merry and happy and bright whenever I hear carols. I think they're my favorite part of Christmas. I really don't have anything else to look forward to other than the singing.

Oh okay, presents are really cool. Skiing trips are awesome. The feeling of "family" is the best. (But do we really get that? I'm not sure.) Every aspect of Christmas is great and joyful but I don't think they're accentuated as much as they should be in my area. Carols, on the other hand, are timeless and are written to inspire happy feelings of joy and unity. Might I say, that they're written very well because they do exactly that. Anyways, I'm really excited. Because now I can start skipping around school singing all day and I won't get as many weird looks as I should. :D (Or maybe I will. . . Lynbrook might think I'm weird! ~sobs)

Well, I'm listening to Michael Buble's new Christmas album right now. I personally love it. :] Go check it out and have fun with it. Haha. Get some Christmas cheer in your life!

Black Friday 2011

Today it was Black Friday! :D Yay!
Should I be happy? Not necessarily. Starting from 10pm on Thanksgiving day, my friend came over for a mini sleepover whilst we waited for stores to open. Naturally, like at any sleepover, no matter how much you want to sleep, you just can't-- not with your friend sitting there 5 feet away from you. The laughter and jokes are never-ending and the possibility of pranks? Ouch.

Well, we finally got to sleep around 1am. And slept... and slept... and slept... slept some more...
Until that damned alarm woke us up at 4:45am. Yet again, not fun.
So we readied ourselves and ate cup noodles for breakfast! Yeah! :D And... interesting looking, under-cooked bagel bites. Great stuff, right? Really healthy.

We got to the mall 30 minutes later than planned (arrived at 5:30am) and we found barely any good sales.
That was just the worst part. We tormented ourselves through this sleep deprivation (and I'm still doing it as I type up this one last post) for absolutely nothing. The sales were terrible. "Buy one get one 50% off!" Oh goodie. If this is Black Friday, it just shows how terrible inflation is and the state of our economy. It's really terrible actually. I don't think there were many sales this year. Although I did get some good deals...

I bought a scarf for $4! :D And it's really pretty and soft and pretty and soft and pretty and soft. Haha, it's just an awesome scarf and scarves are awesome anyways. <3

I bought a cardigan for $6. :P That was kind of regular priced. (I only saved $0.80.)

I bought jeans for $10. So that's one thing off my "must-buy" list! :D (Although my must-buy list is comprised of jeans and jackets.)

I bought a jacket for $35. This was definitely my worst deal, but it might actually be worth it. I suppose time will tell. I'm not really sure about how it looks on me. All I know is that it's not consistent with my normal style. This jacket kind of reminds me of a motorcycle jacket. :P But it's really really really really really warm and frankly, that's all i care about. xD I think I'll keep it though. It looks nice at least in my opinion!

So, yes, those are my 4 purchases this Black Friday. OH! That reminds me...

These are the most epic hats ever.

I love them so much and if they were less than $8 I would've bought them with my friend!
ARGH RAGE. :( But it was priced at $12. I'm so disappointed right now. Haha I can only imagine the possibilities. They're beautiful really. Hahah. Abnormal hats ftw!

Okay, I'm out.

Oh wait, one last note haha:
I'm just so glad that pea coats are like the "in" fashion right now. I walked around the mall and everywhere I saw pea coats and I started spazzing with happiness. I didn't find any particularly nice ones (well that were priced reasonably) so I didn't buy one. I got my leather jacket! :D But I cannot believe the price tags on some things. There was this really nice coat at Abercrombie that cost $260.
Tell me, 260? Please, I can get a computer or an iPod with that money. That is just insane.

WAIT. That also reminds me:
There were these models standing outside Hollister and Abercrombie for some odd reason. They had their shirts off and all these creepy moms shopping with their daughters were taking pictures with them. I don't know what would urge them to do that. I personally kind of find that awkward. Oh and apparently one girl kissed a model after she was done with her picture. Awkward... Anyways, my friends and I found that really odd. Yeah. It was just not... pretty.

Anyways,
Off to sleep! :] Bonsoir!

Musicality: Is it an acquired taste. . . or are you born with it?
Same with fashion. Sometimes I don't understand either.

Whimsical Wishes

If there ever existed a point of pure median… a suspension of time in the happiest of places with the ones held most dear to a heart. If there ever existed one, man would end his eternal search and stay there forever. Until it turns old, all of man would be happy and then there would be a historical moment where all things in nature coexisted with each other.

"I've been here before, one day, a week
And it won't hurt anymore
You caught me in a lie, I have no alibi
The words you said don't have a meaning 'cause

I still don't have a reason and you don't have the time
And it really makes me wonder
If I ever gave a thought about you and I
So this is goodbye"

Maroon 5, "Makes Me Wonder"

What does it mean to be your own individual?

"Individualism is rather like innocence; there must be something unconscious about it."

Louis Kronenberger

I wish to run an experiment that'll determine the best education system for the general population. True, it's conditional based on each person but it'd be interesting to see how culture, socioeconomic situation, and learning style affects each individual over the course of their childhood/adolescence. Maybe the government can't be effective for 100% of the population but it'd be nice to at least get 75% right?
Eh, I can dream.

Does such a balance exist between social life, academics, and sleep?
I'm beginning to think that at least two must suffer at once.

Stravinsky's Firebird Suite is really quite beautiful. Every time I listen to it, I can't help but to be reminded of a firebird's mythical wings fluttering in the wind. The music portrays the fleeting movements of the firebird so well. It's actually quite a magical feeling.

Go experience it for yourself! Listen to this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VrphCzKCQiA
I've never heard an interpretation as stunning as that one. :]

"So fall down, I need you to trust me
Go easy, don't rush me
Help me out, why don't you help me out?"

Maroon 5, "Never Gonna Leave This Bed"

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! :]

We're quickly approaching the end of 2011. Time to look back now, right?

The human mind is. . . so interesting. Hmm, it's amazing, really.

Mémoire 2: Le Football

I remember the first game I played really well in.

I was playing in AYSO on the Purple Panthers, U6 team. All my soccer friends were there: Emma, Catherine Pugh, and other... people. And that day, I remember striking the ball perfectly. The ball seemed to find its niche in my foot-- just right there on my laces. I scored two goals in that game. :]

Fast forward a couple of years...

I was playing in U10 for the Turkey Tournament and we went into sudden death. That was the first time I ever kicked a ball so far. The coach lined me up first for the shot. I kicked the ball and it soared right over the top of the net. Yeah, I didn't exactly make the shot, but hey, it was a really nice kick. We lost that game... At least, we all had fun! :D

A couple more seasons...

In one of the last few seasons I played for AYSO, I remember I dribbled up all the way from our side to the other team's side. And I didn't even notice it until afterwards my parents told me. Haha, good times. Made a cross... Oops, it didn't get finished but it was nice to see that I could do that.

Sixth grade...

I was really doubtful about making the team. But yay! I got in anyways as a pixie, even if I was a bench-warmer.

Seventh & Eight grade...

I got made starter. :D Yayy! And in my 8th grade year, I averaged about 1.5 goals every game. That, my friend, is the peak of my soccer career.

So it just brings me back to now. I think I have to quit the soccer team this year. There's just too many commitments that are conflicting with the practice times. It's not like I want to. I really don't. But I have to-- for the sake of my sanity and commitment. Here goes all my hopes about being team captain or being a starter. Here goes my goal of being on the soccer team all four years of high school. My soccer career stops here for now. And the rest of the road, truthfully, is looking tentative. Whether it leads off a cliff or into a land of happy soccer players, I'm not so sure. Only time can tell.

It just makes me sad. Soccer is a part of me. I've been playing it since 2nd grade and now I have to give it up for new things that I may (frankly) suck at. I'm going to miss it. I really do love soccer but right now, I just don't love it enough to sacrifice the rest of my life.

"I wonder why bereaved people even bother with mourning clothes when grief itself provides such an unmistakable wardrobe."

Jandy Nelson, The Sky is Everywhere 

Rant on Sickness

I hate being sick. Whenever I am, I have these terrible migraines that render me helpless. I can't think. I can't speak coherently. I lose all my emotions. All I can think is, "I'm tired. I'm tired. I'm dead. I can't think. What happened? Stop talking to me." It's quite terrible. And people don't get that my headaches really do kill me. I don't appear sick on the surface but inside I'm in a world of pain. So whenever I'm sick, my social life suffers miserably because everybody thinks I just don't want to talk to anybody. It's not that I don't want to. It's just that I can't. (Ok fine. I'm also a drama queen when it comes to feeling shitty. But for reals, I really do feel terrible right now and it's killing me.)

A few of my friends came up to me today and asked me if I was feeling okay. "You're usually really happy and talkative." Haha. That made me feel so much better.

"Is it really that obvious?" I respond with a chuckle.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm just not feeling very well. But thanks for noticing."

"Oh, I see. Feel better!"

Something along those lines. But it's nice to know that people noticed. On the other hand though, this was all during class time. Do I really talk that much in class? Haha. I'm laughing on my side again.

Well, hopefully sometime this sickness will pass. It's really killing my happiness. I hate fatigue. I hate having migraines. I hate being sore everywhere. I'm young! I must recuperate quickly but to do that, I must sleep first. Haha. Good night!

/endRant

(Ps. I'd really really like to be left alone actually when I'm sick. I just did not want to talk to anybody today. Don't take it personally if I just randomly leave and go sit in my forever alone corner. It just makes me happier. And please don't take it personally if I give you one or two worded replies. I just don't feel like talking. You know who you are. :D)

Something always brings me back to you. It never takes too long.

Sara Bareilles, Gravity

Soccer: the Symbolism of my Childhood

At this point it comes down to choosing between soccer/health and debate/model UN/robotics/oboe. Which road shall I travel down?

I used to love soccer. However, after all this competitiveness, I'm not sure anymore. I used to find joy in playing but now. . . what do I find? I find worry and stress that plagues my thoughts before, during, and after practice. I find wounds, sores, and muscle strains all over my body. It just makes me question: how long will it take before I completely lose the face of soccer? I'm not sure how much longer I have. Sometimes, fleeting sporadic moments of joy come back to comfort me. But they're becoming increasingly scarce. Maybe I should just take a break this year, play recreationally, and then get my game back for sophomore year.

There's just a bit of doubt though. What if I get used to this no-soccer lifestyle? What if I get too attached to some other activity? What if when I come back I'll be shunned by all my soccer friends for not being with them freshmen year (if I even come back)? What if I never find my footing again and just give up soccer altogether?

It used to be my dream to play soccer in college alongside my extracurriculars. It is still there–– just like a wisp of fancifulness existing in the back of my mind. But that part of me is fading and frankly, it's scaring me. Soccer was my one connection to the younger me. And losing that, it's like losing a part of me.

I stare at my face in the mirror. Who am I? I note the dark circles under my eyes. I follow that little wrinkle of worry on my forehead. I stare down the cut I recently received at soccer tryouts. I look down to a picture of my younger self: worry-free, innocent, gleeful. She's full of potential–– ready to show the world what she's here for. I look back at myself and desperately try to find some sort of a resemblance. It's hard. I almost didn't find any. . . until I looked myself square in the eyes. There, you can still spot a little fire of determination. It is, again, faint but nonetheless still there.

So that'll do for now. That little flame of determination isn't much but it's enough to keep me going. With only just a matter of time, I'll find my footing again. I'll find my kick again. I'll find my way back home. It'll just take a little while longer.

The Road Not Taken

By Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

Oh and did I mention I take French? Haha.
J'adore le français!
Bonne nuit. :]

Mémoire 1: La Musique

I remember the first time I started playing piano. I hated taking lessons from a teacher I couldn't understand. But I secretly loved it. The feeling of your fingers flying across the ivories? It's unforgettable. It's beautiful.

Tes Yeux

A person's eyes say a lot about them. Literature isn't lying when they say it's the gateway to a person's soul. Because it is. Sometimes I look deeply enough into someone's eyes, I can see their "character". Or at least. . . what they portray themselves to be. I usually see a little bit of stress and anxiety. I see a calm veil over their lives. Then I hit a solid wall. Nothing is betrayed from behind that imperceptible wall.

Gravity by Sara Bareilles

Something always brings me back to you.

It never takes too long. 

No matter what I say or do, I still feel you here 'till the moment I'm gone. 

You hold me without touch. 

You keep me without chains. 

I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your reign. 

Chorus: 

Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity. 

Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be. 

But you're on to me and all over me. 

You loved me 'cause I'm fragile. 

When I thought that I was strong. 

But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone. 

Chorus: 

Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity. 

Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be. 

But you're on to me and all over me. 

"I wanted you to see what real courage is, instead of getting the idea that courage is a man with a gun in his hand. It's when you know you're licked before you begin but begin anyway and you see through it no matter what."

Atticus, To Kill a Mockingbird (112)

Your pleading eyes turned hard; then accusatory. I knew there was no way back. The bridge had been burned by a single spark of merry joy, and I had lost you forevermore.

As the last few rays of sunshine faded, the mockingbird finished singing. It paused, looking left to right, with its beady black eyes. Before darkness could descend upon its resting place, it took off into the night–– confronting its foe with the bravery of a thousand men.