Why do I even bother trying in music?

And then it's as if nothing happened. I don't recognize you guys anymore. As much as I'd like to go back to the good ol' days and relive them with you, it's not going to happen. It's never going to happen. Nothing will come close to what fun we all had. It's depressing how short life is. One blink of an eye and half of your life has passed you by. Of course, I'm still considered young, but it feels all the same. I don't know if it's going to get better from this point or worse. I hope it's the former.

Now, I know why people hate going to Lynbrook. You can either look at it positively or negatively though. I'm trying to look at it as a motivation. "You can do it. I know you can."

Some friends stick forever. I think I know who they are.

Oh, by the way, Berkeley turned out beautifully. I promise, I shall find time to talk about it!

1. Debate: Logan, Milpitas, Stanford, Berkeley
2. Awesome month of speaking conferences (February)
3. Tackling audition pieces: oboe and english horn
4. Summer plans
5. Sophomore year planning: course selection, extracurriculars, etc
6. Should I tackle CYS or ECYS next year?

Don't You Remember?

By Adele

"When will I see you again?
You left with no goodbye,
Not a single word was said,
No final kiss to seal any seams,
I had no idea of the state we were in,

I know I have a fickle heart and a bitterness,
And a wandering eye, and heaviness in my head,

But don't you remember?
Don't you remember?
The reason you loved me before,
Baby, please remember me once more,

When was the last time you thought of me?
Or have you completely erased me from your memory?
I often think about where I went wrong,
The more I do, the less I know,

But I know I have a fickle heart and a bitterness,
And a wandering eye, and a heaviness in my head,

But don't you remember?
Don't you remember?
The reason you loved me before,
Baby, please remember me once more,

Gave you space so you could breathe,
I kept my distance so you would be free,
And hoped that you'd find the missing piece,
To bring you back to me,

Why don't you remember?
Don't you remember?
The reason you loved me before,
Baby, please remember me once more,

When will I see you again?"

On Adele

Adele is such an inspiring singer. Call me whatever names you want. Perhaps I did jump on the bandwagon but that doesn't mean I'm a terrible person. It just means that I didn't notice her before, and it took the media's extra scrutiny to get me to actually see what she was about.

Back to my point, Adele is an amazing singer. Her songs actually contain soul and music. Her success relies on her beautiful voice and music instead of auto-tune. Just listen to one of her songs and surely you'll be enchanted.

She's consistent.
She's strong.
She's a role model.

Adele knows how to be independent-- of a broken heart, of an audience, of the media. One thing that I really admire about her is that she doesn't fall prey to the entertainment industry's overrated image of a singer: anorexic, sleazy, needy. She's a strong woman. She's beautiful and confident and anything else an audience could ask for. That's why I have my utmost respect for her. Adele, you captured the world's attention. Now, do what you do best. Sing.

Truly Growing Up

It comes to a certain point in time when they stop measuring you by your potential and start looking at your success. At that moment, the under-average ones fall behind even more. The average ones get worse or better depending on their connections. And the best only get better. It's only an uphill battle from here on out.

Morbid Debaters

So my friend, Meera, has a very interesting story to tell tonight. Apparently, at the Logan tournament, the heel of her shoe broke and penetrated through the sole of her shoe. She looked down in the middle of the round and noticed that some red "stuff" decorated her heel. Her opponent followed her line of sight and also saw the red "stuff", which at that point surely resembled blood. Her opponent creepily smiled at her.

Very morbid. Very morbid indeed. Very creepy. As karma would have it, Meera won that round.
The end.

Updates about Stanford shall come via mobile Blogger if I'm not too busy freaking out.

Stanford is tomorrow. Deep breaths. I can do this. Just try your best, and everything will be great. No regrets. Leave everything out on the field.

I mean... leave everything out on the podium. Haha. (See what I did there?)

Calm down.
Calming down.
Deep breaths.
Man, oboe is such a relaxing instrument  when played right. I should've been listening to this the whole night.

I'm sorry, Mom, Dad for dragging you to these debate tournaments. I know you have extremely busy lives, but you're taking out your whole day just to support me going to this tournament. It's actually really nerve-wracking. You're devoting so much time and resources to this. It's no longer just kid games. It's the big leagues now. Am I ready? Maybe. Probably not. I hope i am up for the challenge though. I can't fail this time. I've got to win this.

"A lonely death in which no one cared and no one came
When the walls cave in, we only have ourselves to blame"

~Mayday Parade, Without the Bitter the Sweet Isn't as Sweet

What if debate is going the same way as soccer? It's starting to feel like more of an obligation than an actual hobby. ~Sobs. But I love debate!

Maybe I do have hope. It's just too young of a promise to tell right now.

D-Day: March 7th

27 days to go until wind ensembl-ay auditions. I'm really scared.

I'm really excited but really nervous for Stanford's tournament this Saturday. It's going to be hella long. But, it's going to be worth it.

I hope... I seriously hope that I wouldn't waste money on this tourney "for fun", especially since I'm also going to Berkeley.

Well, at least for Berkeley, I'll have my oboe fixed then.

Life is tough. Get over it.

The AMC today really reminded me about how much I love math. I did better than I expected. I actually got the questions I solved correct! :'D

If I sleep now... will I be more productive tomorrow? I sure hope so.

I bid you guys farewell. I must sleep. I hope I can find reprieve easily today. I've got AMCs tomorrow and I'll need all the brain power I can get.

I am so glad that I found a replacement for BMUN. So much weight has been lifted. Although I really do regret not doing this topic... patients rights and controversial religious practices. And the country is Canada! God, this would've been a beautiful conference if I had gotten enough time to do it.

Oh, yeah, and if I had gotten a proper answer to when the deadline would be (cough cough cough).

I can see it all coming together. I'm too tired to do anything about it though. I'm all worn out. I definitely need another break to rejuvenate. Or else I'm going to collapse from stress and work overload. I'm not in my most efficient mood and it sucks.

Well actually, my mind is in an efficient mood. The part of my brain that actually does the real work begs to differ. That lazy pompous ass!

I need to learn how to drive. Is there some sort of a program where I can apply to drive at a younger age? My grandpa is getting too old to operate a car. It's for others' safety, his health, and my own personal relief. I can't wait until I'm 16. Then, I can take this burden off my grandpa. Just 1.5 more years. Just a little more time.

At the same time though... I love my extracurriculars. <3 Love to you all.

I don't think I have a single day in which I'm free. I savor every single day that I can get home at 3pm and stay home until 7am the following day. I absolutely enjoy it with all my might, because I don't get many days like that anymore.

I just don't. I miss it.

To-Do List

1. Prep for Stanford.
2. Work out timings for Berkeley.
3. Get trip papers signed.
4. Practice oboe and english horn like an insane maniac.
5. Look up summer programs.
6. Write up reflections.
7. Rebuild bridges!
8. Send reminder for club.
9. Have fun on Friday.
10. Get enough sleep.
11. Get organized. (See what I'm doing right now?)

Seriously, get more organized.

I am very much behind schedule. Next time I visit Safeway I am buying a pack of ground coffee. I need some caffeine to just stay awake.

Debate

I'll be very brief because I would really love to sleep. Haha but I've got pretty funny and good news regarding debate.

1. Logan Tournament: Apparently, in my 3rd round, I debated against Madame Schang's daughter. Damn, they're a good team. I thought that I didn't completely shame myself in front of her though! That's good. Haha.
2. Milpitas Tournament: I went 3-1, which is actually not that bad for my first LD tournament. I'm pretty satisfied, although I should have won the 2nd round. Damn, even the ballots said that we were hella close. We both got the same number of speaker points. Sigh. But it's okay! Next time, I'll own.
3. Future: Apparently due to my performance at Milpitas, our debate coach said that I should go into varsity for the upcoming league tournaments. I'm actually really excited. :] Maybe, I'm not that much a fail. I'm really happy about this actually. Haha, it made my day.
4. Stanford Tournament: Aww, I'm on the waiting list. I really want to go to this tournament though! I heard that it's really awesome. I hope I do get to go in the end though. After all, they already subtracted $75 from my account. Do I get to go? :D
5. Berkeley Tournament: I'm so excited to go to this tournament. I get to tour Berkley with my best buddies. I get to actually go to a pretty major tournament. Who knows? Maybe I'll do well. I'm apprehensive though. I must prep!
6. Harker Tournament: Is there such a thing? Tiffany said there is. But if so, I think it's a league, and I guess that'll be my first legitimate varsity tournament. Fun!

Varisty! :]

I'm so excited. Teehee.

To-Do List/Goals

Goal: Sleep before 12.
Goal: Practice oboe/english horn every day for at least 45 minutes.
Goal: Look over french vocab whenever I have spare time. Even staring helps. (Oh, wait! We should also apply this to SAT vocab. Haha.)
Goal: Do not stress eat. Take gum as your savior!

To-Do 1: Write application... again!
To-Do 2: Make lay cases... again!
To-Do 3: Clean up room... again!
To-Do 4: Clean up desk... for the first time!

Yes, you may think that my desk clean up is encompassed in the room clean up, BUT THAT IS NOT THE CASE. I cannot have one giant task become a part of another. It'd just explode. LOL Therefore, I have two to-do lists!

Oh wait, I almost forgot.

To-Do 5: Read up on SCVMUN.

Today has actually been productive.

Oh god, I just cleaned out the English Horn for the first time in God-knows-how-many years. I'm sorry for doing to this to you, dear swab. I hope your little bath makes up for it.

The things I do for this English Horn. I love it so much. LOL. Well, if it would sound prettier, I would love it even more! But yes, it's growing on me. I even want to get it fixed. Awwh. How special.